He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Every concussion has its silver lining
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
