I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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