Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
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