Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
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