she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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