As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
