I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
