Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
