dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
