you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
