Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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