You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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