this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The power of my boobs compel you
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
