you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize