There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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