Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
