So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
