She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
