I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize