Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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