she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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