my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize