i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
