Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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