i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
