There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
