Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
