Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
