Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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