he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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