So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Its about making memories worth repressing
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
