JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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