I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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