i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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