I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
