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• (707): View more from California

  last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.

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• (516): View more from New York

  ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.

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• (455): View more from

  As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.

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• (432): View more from Texas

  Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.

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• (530): View more from California

  So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.

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• (980): View more from North Carolina

  Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!

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• (512): View more from Texas

  the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.

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