Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
