I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
