I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
