tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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