you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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