I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
