her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Barsexuality is the new black.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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