my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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