we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
