fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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