Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize