I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
