Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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