i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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