Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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