i barfeds in our rink
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
