I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
