Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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