When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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