drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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