nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
