I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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