I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
