my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize