I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I can't turn off my feet"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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