the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
he shaved USA in his pubs
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
