I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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