Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
