Umm I'm too high to move.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize