ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
