i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize