u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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