I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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