His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
