My sheets look like a crime scene.
Say something about gay babies.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
