I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
